Happy birthday to me. I'm 22 years old! I don't want to sound like a pussy but I do feel older and I kinda dislike it.. For the past year, I haven't been doing much. I do help my parents most of the time but that it doesn't give me the experience that I need nor does it fill in my bank. I don't spend much time with my friends in Kota Kinabalu. It's my home, and this is where my life started so I got to have many friends and I do but time flew. It's already been years since i've last chilled with them so I don't know what's going with their life. They might have changed, because I know I have. We might not even click anymore. So I wanted to leave things the way there were, good old friends. I think I have matured since last year's birthday. I have prayed to God more, I have started to fight for my religion. I have been trying to be a very good brother, cousin, nephew and son. I've started to respect myself and other people more and on top of that, I am a better driver, lover and friend. But I have also brought up the old bad habit which is smoking up. See, smoking up was the start of the downfall. I started to eat junk food again, skip exercises, slept late and woke up late, lost confidence and also failed in time and work management. but it relaxes me. It helps me go through time faster, more determined to work, and smoke less. Typing this blog makes me think back about what I've done. I'm thinking the grass is really dragging me down so maybe when I forget about this feeling then I can remember it again when I open this blog. It's important to remember this feeling because this feeling is what makes me determined to get my life back on track. I am a confident and good person. This drug may be relaxing but it is still a drug. It's banned for a reason. Maybe I need to find another method of relaxing. Maybe by being sober, I can find my rhythm back and actually be on the track of success. I recently had a talk with my sister and Zul. We discussed about topics that were new to me. It was regarding Allah. When I think about Allah, I feel calm. I prayed and felt much closer and the thought of doing sin was erased off my mind. Maybe by praying then I can be clear of all the bad temptations and learn how to be a good Muslim. I just met Hanis after a long time. I cant remember when anymore.. the grass blocked most of my memories. I am more of a forgetful person now.. anyways I look at him as my role model. He and I grew up together. we could have the same way of thinking as before but we took a different path. Been 4 years since we grew up together, I changed. I pray way less than before, I take grass, I smoke, I club and I do all the things that I've never done. I've also become a cocky person. We are still very good friends but I have changed. Not for the good but actually losing my way with Allah. Hanis never changed. maybe he is wiser in a way but he is more closer to God now. Maybe Nara is a blessing in disguise for him. He prays to Allah everyday. Why don't I do that? He is busier than me, younger than me, a Muslim like me. Why do I enjoy taking the dark road? Is it because I find it cool and I want to be remembered? If that's the case then I might as well be remembered as a good guy lah. What's the point in being remembered as a fucked up muslim right? My family wouldn't even be proud of me. What's the point in risking their respect right? so I'm going to promise to quit this bad path. I'm going to make use of my time with Hanis and be a better muslim and person. Insya'allah..